The Worst GTA 5 Online Player Ever? Probably.

"Mosqvich" (mosqvich)
11/01/2013 at 10:58 • Filed to: GTA 5, Buhandi, Ballaban, Tennis

Me. Yes, I must admit it. I would never have thought to purchase Grand Theft Auto 5 in a million years, but my wife wanted it (I know, I'm that lucky!). The problem in her plan was, well, me. I dabbled in it and before I knew it, I was a Crime Lord in Los Santos. After I finished the story line, I thought I'd try out the online version. I saw a few postings here on Oppo and found the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Last night was my first try at playing with the "crew" and it was something like this snapshot:

I made the mistake of getting involved in a fight between players. Now, I'm not complaining because I was howling in laughter each and every time somebody capped me, destroyed me, ended me, and otherwise wiped the streets of Los Santos with my sorry avatar. And then came an invite to play tennis. Tennis? I thought to myself "why not?" I accepted and started playing. I never played Tennis in the story mode so I had no idea how to play and boy did it show. I was quickly vanquished. The game was ended prematurely, when in a flurry of Xbox controller button mashing I accidentally "quit" the game. I felt like a heel. Who was my opponent? It was the bastard, criminal, and all around killer "Buhandi." In real life, you know him as Jalopnik's Michael Ballaban. Of course beating me on my first night of gameplay is like taking candy from a little girl. Just sayin'.

DISCUSSION (21)

Michael Ballaban > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 11:00

Who's that handsome devil?

Mosqvich > Michael Ballaban
11/01/2013 at 11:03

Yeah, well I couldn't find a pic of you holding a little girl at gun point while stealing her Halloween candy!!! LOL!

quarterlifecrisis > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 11:19

On a related note...my bad whoever I sort of was playing with for about 3 mintues before you kicked me off of online play. I truly had no clue what in the hell I was doing. I mean really, no idea, whatsoever.

Mosqvich > quarterlifecrisis
11/01/2013 at 11:28

You can eject someone? Nobody bothered doing that with me because I was like a rag-doll being kicked around. The downside was I was cleaned out of most of my "money".

quarterlifecrisis > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 11:34

I think I kind of missed the point of what was going on, I had literally just started to play past the first race and the drug retrieval, and was robbing the first liquor store, when somehow someone else piled out of my car (random Oppo crew...again...sorry) and then when we left I went on some bizarre ride across Los Santos, ultimately in a helicopter, then in a fighter plane. Really...had no clue wtf was happening.

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 11:43

I saw you guys on last night. Quite funny. Were either one of you running around in the helicopter at one time?

quarterlifecrisis > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
11/01/2013 at 12:10

I was in a helicopter...not flying it...but in it...

Mosqvich > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
11/01/2013 at 12:26

I was. I stole a couple of them. The guy in the fighter jet kept shooting me down :-(

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 13:37

Yeah because someone kept flying over me, ominously watching me as I drove around with my poor self. I feel like I was spared, but only because I wasn't worth killing lol.

Mosqvich > 04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches.
11/01/2013 at 14:44

I think I followed you one time after you robbed a store. You drove through the mountains and over the dam I believe. It was fun, plus there weren't a zillion 12 year old squeaky voiced boys playing.

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > Mosqvich
11/01/2013 at 14:58

That was me. I get very paranoid in the game, especially when I have such little money all ready. I did start boosting some Ballers and selling them yesterday though, so I'm getting there.

Fuel_of_Satan > Mosqvich
11/02/2013 at 11:19

Poor Mike, you gave away his PS3 online nickname on Oppo? Prepare to get inundated by friend requests!

GusTurbo > Michael Ballaban
11/03/2013 at 11:24

There are plenty of handy Youtube tutorials on how to properly tie a tie. Practice makes perfect.

Michael Ballaban > GusTurbo
11/03/2013 at 11:27

It was properly tied at first. Add in a little flustered handling by some makeup people who insist on "adjusting" it for you and then not little you see it in the mirror, and that's sort of what you end up with.

Michael Ballaban > Fuel_of_Satan
11/03/2013 at 11:28

I actually don't have PS3, only Xbox but shhhhh

GusTurbo > Michael Ballaban
11/03/2013 at 11:51

Ah, I should have known there was some intervening force involved. It happens.

Fuel_of_Satan > Michael Ballaban
11/03/2013 at 15:34

Ah, I haven't spent much time in the Social Club part and it just looked different from the generic Xbox and GTA V menus.

Don't worry though, your secret is safe with me!

PNW20v > quarterlifecrisis
11/04/2013 at 11:49

You just summed up GTA5 perfectly in a few sentences hahaha. I just started last night and the insanity of it still melts my mind lol.

CAR_IS_MI > Mosqvich
11/04/2013 at 12:32

I am often found stealing planes and copters and harassing my fellow opponauts with low fly-bys. Also, Jumping in the passenger seat and starting a feud with non opponauts. Feel free to join in, just bring a parachute...

Mosqvich > CAR_IS_MI
11/04/2013 at 13:39

LOL! That is fun. I love stealing choppers and harassing folks :-)

CAR_IS_MI > Mosqvich
11/04/2013 at 13:41

Yea its all fun and games until someone misjudges a turn and crashes their airplane into a tree... Then its still fun and games just sans an airplane.